Paris Fashion week, Fall 2013 Ready to Wear: The Bad

Paris fashion week is but a dream and to the fashion victor, goes the glitzy spoils.

Unfortunately for us, all we’re left with is this steaming pile of leftovers from the city of lights.

Soon I’ll post the good and you’ll notice that the bad are seriously fewer than the good this season.

Wait, on my blog?

INORITE!

This was the most perplexing season in Paris, for me at least, because not only were the clothes terribly dark and moody, they were also VERY salable. It fact, it was one of the most marketable seasons in Paris to date; very few drama moments and you all know I loves me some drama! So, without further ado…

THE BAD

Comments follow pictures.

Amaya Arzuaga, Ready to Wear, Fall Winter, Paris, 2013

Amaya Arzuaga. Why do I get the impression that this is the bottom half of a construction/traffic cone costume for Halloween? She really needs a “trick or treat” handbag to complete the look.

Balenciaga

Balenciaga. “So you guys work out? What’s your max? Yeah I like to work on my shoulders, pecs and biceps. Having LOTS of upper body strength, I find, is the way to really let people know you care about bulking up.”

Balmain

Balmain. Gold lamé pants and an over shoulder-padded mohair sweater that is slowly consuming the poor, unfortunate model like a coconut dropped in a pool of fuzzy quicksand… hmmm. Now, either we’ve slipped into a 1988 time warp or this designer needs to learn how a modern woman dresses, ASAP!

Chloe

Chloe. So, she was late for the runway because her Mia Farrow haircut took longer than she expected, tripped and fell into the lace kitchen curtains which got tangled and wrapped around her waist, then had to borrow her grandpa’s work shoes because she lost hers? Is that the story you’re sticking with honey?

Dries Van Noten

Dries Van Noten. Oh God this kills me. I love Van Noten’s work, but even he is entitled to a fly in the ointment every now and then… I guess. This garment is less of a cocktail dress and more of a tequila sunrise feather duster in heels.

Givenchy

Givenchy. The press LOVED this collection, but all I saw was a disorganized jumble of hideous patchwork, odd fur and goofy hats. Ladies and gentlemen, EXHIBIT A! Seriously, this is what the crazy cat lady in the neighborhood wears to the grocery store.

Mugler

Mugler. Oh hey, could I please wear a drab, gray dress that makes a size 2 model look like she’s smuggling gerbils under her clothes? And if it could be an unflattering length that’d be great! OH and if you have really clunky shoes that weight down the whole look, I’d really appreciate it… SAID NO ONE FREAKING EVER!

Pugh

Gareth Pugh. This was actually a relatively commercial collection for Pugh and I have to admit, I found myself liking more pieces than hating them. He has done this shape to death, but overall, it’s dramatic and kind of interesting. Having said that, why did he feel the need to take inspiration from the bottom of cousin ITT’s shower for that hem treatment? It looks like Chewbacca coughed up a hairball and Pugh spent hours sewing on each strand with love.

Rochas

Rochas. This entire collection was a joke. All of the clothes were so oversized; you could fit all of the models from this show under one skirt. It was difficult picking out just one turd from this fashion punchbowl, but I had to go with the one garment that looks like a deflated, satin blimp.

OK kids! Tomorrow we focus on the good and the beautiful that Paris has to offer.

G

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One thought on “Paris Fashion week, Fall 2013 Ready to Wear: The Bad

  1. Come on, the Givenchy wasn’t that bad, but then again I like crazy lady fashion. Or maybe it’s just because it was next to those other monstrosities you posted. The Balmain outfit looks like it was taken from the party scene of “Less than Zero”. Kill it! Kill it with fire!

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