New York Fashion Week Fall 2014: The Bad

New York fashion week is a thing of the past and It was terribly mundane it its delivery. I know New York is all about marketability, but I’m a staunch believer that simple doesn’t have to be boring.

This round, I did find more positives than negative, so there may be hope for the city yet.

Having said that, let’s start with the crap!

NEW YORK: THE BAD

Captions follow pictures.

MPatmos bad

M. Patmos – It looks like she lost a fight with a raccoon, but snatched some of its fur in retaliation.

Vfiles bad

Vfiles – She looks like the suicidal mascot of an inner tube factory.

Herrera bad

Carolina Herrera – Oh dear. I love Herrera’s individualism, but honestly, this is just sad. The print is jarring and the cut looks like something Maude gave away in a garage sale.

Hilfiger Bad

Tommy Hilfiger – Somewhere in the Hilfiger studio:

Design assistant: “Hey Tommy! We ran out of yarn for that runway poncho. We have some gray yarn, but it doesn’t match.

Tommy Hilfiger: “Use it anyway!”

Design Assistant: “Well OK, but I don’t think we have enough for the pockets. There is some old black yarn, but I know you don’t want us to use that, right?”

Tommy Hilfiger: “LIKE HELL! Knit that bitch up now!!”

J Mendel Bad

J Mendel – This is what happens when you let too many people work on one dress. I have no idea where to start on it. This dress has more twists and turns than an Agatha Christie novel.

Marc Jacobs bad

Marc Jacobs – This is a banner year for Jacobs. He lost Louis Vuitton, turned over Marc by Marc Jacobs to Luella Bartley and now has to focus all of his attention on his eponymous label. I guess he needed a palate cleanser, but honestly, this collection was BORING. Most of the pieces looked like pajamas Rhoda wore on the Mary Tyler Moore show. It was all salable, but this ruffled nightmare made it through the cracks. It looks like she is being slowly devoured by Painted Desert quicksand.

Sass and Bide bad

Sass and Bide – Sometimes a look is such a train wreck, no words can describe its lack of grace, design or fluidity. Unfortunately for Sass and Bide, they just sent that kind of dress on the runway.

Suno bad

Suno – This looks like a half-assed attempt to win over the Superbowl crowd with a dress that slightly resembles a football. Sadly, this lump of a garment fumbles in all the wrong places.  What’s the penalty? Bench it.

ostwald helgason

Ostwald Helgason – What the Hell was it with designers and bananas this season? At least three designers used the motif on the runway. Pair the print with a lumpy-cut T-shirt and a skirt made of curtain sheers and you have a Banana’s Foster recipe for disaster!

Wang bad

Alexander Wang – Well, if Star Trek: The Next Generation ever gets relaunched, they can use this look as the blueprint for the Romulans’ outfits. Seriously, this thing looks uncomfortable, hot and stiff.  I don’t have a problem with futurism in fashion, but when your design looks like the pixels on an original Game Boy, you’ve missed the point.

OK kids, the good is on its way!

Stay tuned!

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