Spring 2015 Ready to Wear: WTF?

Hey wait, it’s not Thanksgiving yet! What’s with all the turkeys?

Oh that’s right, we just saw the last of the spring 2015 collections.

Fine then, pass the gravy and settle in, people. This is going to hurt.

turkey Comme Des Garcons

 

Comme Des Garcons.

It’s like she shoplifted a giant’s bra from Victoria’s Secret and decided to work it into her wardrobe. Also,that hair is what happens when you let a drunk chimpanzee give you a perm..

 turkey emporio

Giorgio Armani.

Thanks, Girogio! I always wondered what prison couture looked like. Damn those stripes are bold; I guess there is no Italian word for “subtle.”

 turkey Galliano

Galliano.

I refuse to use the full name, John Galliano, for the collection while it’s under the control of Bill Gayten. The guy is a brilliant patternmaker, but this label has lost all of its charm and poetry since he’s been at the helm. This outfit is less commanding of the title, runway ready, and more apt of fodder for the clearance rack at Chico’s. Hell, even the shoes look like a summer, PayLess special.

 Turkey MaxMara

Max Mara.

“On a very special Blossom…” Are you kidding me with that hat? The head to toe, sickly-pink flower print is bad enough, but toss on that 90’s revival accessory and all of a sudden I feel the need to slap Mayim Bialik

 Turkey Meadham Kirchhoff

Medham Kirchoff.

Somewhere in the atelier…

Medham: “Hey, Kirchoff!”

Kirchoff: “Yeah Medham?”

Medham: “I want to design an outfit that is the visual representation of a sweaty, Rick James wig that hasn’t been washed in 20 years.”

Kirchoff:  “That sounds awesome, buddy, but only if I can include my cleaning lady’s Playtex dish washing gloves on the model.”

Medham: “OMG this look is going to be awesome!! HIGH-FIVE, PARTNER!!”

turkey moschino

Moschino.

If you stare at this picture long enough, you can almost see the skirt inflating.

Turkey Saunders

Jonathan Saunders.

Not many designers choose to use metallic leather bean bag chairs as clothing, but hey, who am I to judge? Also, can we talk about how excited this model is to be walking the runway? The lights, the camera, the music… and she looks like she was just told she failed her calculus midterm.

Turkey Yoji

Yoji Yamamoto.

This dress, realizing its uselessness, has rejected its own purpose and is slowly trying to escape the grim reality of life by inching down the model’s body as she walks the runway. And what’s happening with her right arm? She’s either a contortionist or has a secret, appendage no one knows about.

turkey Sportmax

Sportmax.

“Cover my sweater in giant, black, furry vaginas please!”

– Said no rational human being, EVER!

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2 thoughts on “Spring 2015 Ready to Wear: WTF?

  1. omg. omg. omg. why you aren”t doing tv runway commentary is beyond me….it would actually make me want to turn it on….(ps…the last one was the best!!!)

  2. I agree on that last one. Made me fall off my chair. You could be doing the Fashion Police, Gilbert. I hear there is a vacancy now…..

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