The Worst: Spring 2016 Ready to Wear

Well, we all knew this was coming, so let’s take a moment to reflect on everything terrible about the spring collections.

Would you like stuffing or potatoes with your


Edith Ann knew her daddy didn’t want her borrowing his clothes, but it was cold outside and her coat didn’t match her party dress.

Stella Jean
Stella Jean

Normally, I love Jean’s mix of nonsense and prints, but this season failed her. This Little House on the Prairie visits Candyland look just isn’t cutting the mustard. Those blue blobs look like parasites swimming in a petri dish of blood.

Proenza SchoulerProenzaSchouler

What the Hell is this supposed to be? A flamenco cow?
It’s like they took all the bits left on the cutting room floor and slapped them together seconds before the model hit the catwalk.  They’ve been on an experimental evening wear tear lately, and at one point, you’d think they would wise up and move on. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be any end to this misery in sight.
Lucky us.

MOSCHINO Couture!Moschino

Now, this reminds me of something, but what could it be?


Oh well, it will come to me eventually.


Honestly, the entire time I was looking at this picture I kept waiting for Pac-Man to come from the side and gobble her up.


If this thing was sold at Sears, it would have a Zip and Dash label sewn on the inside. Couture housecoats! Now you can sweep the chimney in style and heels!!


You know what women don’t want to ever wear? Clothes that look like an entryway rug. Do you know why? BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE A FREAKING RUG!!!
OMG! I can’t imagine the number of Afghan hounds that died to make that fringe!!


Damn this season was a mess at Chanel. Pale denim, clumsy jackets and this technicolor nightmare of a sweatshirt. Yup, a Chanel sweatshirt. I mean, OK, with jeans or something, but damn, you didn’t have to make it look like an experimental dye accident with a matching skirt. What’s that old Coco saying? Look in the mirror and take off an accessory? Honey, maybe you should go change the whole outfit.

Betsey JohnsonBetsey Johnson

This is the girl at the party that wears clothes WAY too young for her, spills her drink, wipes her makeup on her skirt, falls down on the sidewalk, starts crying that no one loves her, dances off-beat  to the music, and insists on doing more tequila shooters while trying not to vomit on the hot guy she’s attempting to impress.

Bernard Wilhelm
Bernhard Willhelm

This guy is just begging for a HATERS GONNA HATE graphic across his picture.
I mean, Wilhelm has been in business for years with these kinds of clothes, but I can’t help but wonder who is actually buying this crap?
And to what illustrious event is this ensemble to be worn? A charity benefit? A wedding? Free sample day at Krogers?
I give up.


Guy on right: “I can’t believe your car got towed and we have to walk home from the party.”
Guy on left: “Like it’s my fault YOU parked in a fire zone?! I should never have let you drive. With your record, I’m surprised they’d even give you a fishing license!”
Guy on right: “Bitch, you wanna throw shade, you better buy an umbrella.”
Guy on left: “Girl, don’t make me read you on the corner of Main and Avenue J. Now shut up and cross the damn street. These heels are killing me.”

OK kiddos, that it for this season. I’m working on Quilt Fest nonsense for the rest of the month, so I’ll try to post some tutorials and samples as I get them finished up.


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