Fall 2016: Now serving turkeys

I said I wasn’t going to do a turkey list, but the temptation was just too much to resist.

Without further ado, here is the best of the worst from Fall 2016.

Bernard Wilhelm


That look he gives you when he thinks his outfit is on point
and you change your mind and say you just wanna stay in and order pizza.

St. Laurent


“OH Mr. Palmer, you’re so talented, OH Mr. Palmer, I love working for you!
If the rest of the backup dancers think they’re getting MY man with their mindless flattery, they’ve got another thing coming!
Look out, Mr. Palmer!
You WILL notice me tonight!!”

Moncler Gamme Rouge

Moncler Gamme Rouge

When you didn’t get up early enough to catch the bus to your Swiss Miss audition, and you have to walk to work.

Gareth Pugh

Gareth Pugh

(Muffled speaking):
“Suzy Lecter for the defense, Your Honor.
I will prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my client is 100% innocent of all cannibalism charges.”

Comme des Garçon

Comme Des Garcons

Peggy didn’t care if the whole world knew she was suffering from hemorrhoids. It was her right to be comfortable when she sat down, and she was going to carry as many donut pillows with her as she wanted.



When you know you’re a bad-ass bitch, but still like it when someone calls you princess.

OK, NOW I’m done with fashion month.


Paris Ready to Wear: Fall 2016

Au revoir, Paris.

Well, it was another sleeper in the city of lights. I mean, there were some good collections, but this place is starting to look more and more like New York with every passing model. I get that marketability sells clothes, but at one point, all the personality is left to circle the drain.

I’m not even going to bother with a turkey list this season, because the bad was just so completely mediocre.

Anyway, let’s focus on some highlights, shall we?

Elie Saab

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again, when Saab goes dark, he gets good. Slinky, eclectic, rough and downright sexy, this collection hit all the high points of getting down. The message was in the mix as he switched up his usual pretty fabrics for edgier textures that skimmed over the body and revealed more than just workmanship. I don’t know if his clientele reacts to this the way I do, but dammit, if they want to work through a season that was lacking in eye-catching clothes, they are best to drop their spending cash on this label.

Miu Miu

As always, Miu Miu makes desirable clothes that, while out of most people’s budgets, is geared to a wider audience. Her diversity peaked this season when she chose to show her pieces on plus size models. Now, in the grand scheme of things, a size 6/8 really isn’t that “plus,” but for a Prada held line, it’s practically revolutionary. The looks worked on all the body styles, which is a testament to the Prada aesthetic, but within that, they models looked natural, almost complacent in their normalcy on the runway. I don’t want to get too deep here, but the question has to be asked, would diversity in shape give the collections that are lacking that spark, some interest? I duuno, but whatever the answer is, more designers could study this example and start taking notes.

Manish Arora

This season worked well for Arora. He chose a soft color story that hinged on denim. His modes win the diversity award, and above all else, there was live in every stitch. The collection had an ethnic air, as always, but there was a certain approachability to each look. Of course there were the usual nonsensical pieces that will never hit the stores, but for the most part, the line was stocked with bankable separates and looks that will appeal to a wide audience. Snaps for including designer Chantal Thomas and photographer Ellen Von Unworth in the model line up. The brought a charm to an already brilliant collection.

Christian Dior

I’m sorry, did I just type the words “Christian Dior” and not cringe? Umm, I think I did. Look, I’m this house’s most vocal critic and I’m not about to cut them any slack, especially when they drag their feet on finding a new head designer, but OMG there were too many good pieces in this collection to not at least tip my hat in their general direction. The coats were on point and echoed the cuts of the haute couture. In hand-stitched, saturnine finery, they failed, as marketable ready to wear, they succeed beyond belief. Beautiful updates of Dior’s heritage were evident in every stitch and the styling, although boring, was clean enough to get a pass. Now, if LVMH would just get off their asses and pick a designer already, my grief would be over, for now. Hey guys, I hear Gareth Pugh is free!

OK kiddos, that’s it for fashion month until the haute couture collection in July.
Believe me it’ll be here faster than you can realize.

Milan: Fall 2016

OMG MILAN! Bringing the heat!

I haven’t been this excited about the Milan collections in a while! Beautiful fabrications, cuts and tailoring all added up to a fresh and lithe season that mixed traditional classics with streamlined modernity. Yeah, I know that sounds pretentious, but just go with me on this – it was all really good!


Look, I’m not the Caten’s biggest fan. I think some of their collections verge on the garish, but this season felt more pulled together and edited than past seasons. It was like Adirondack couture, with fox coats, mountain man print mixing and lux textures dripping with their usual embroidered opulence; however, within all the decadence, there was an approachable hand to all the looks. No, this stuff ain’t hitting Macy’s any time soon, and with price tags that range in the tens of thousands, I’m not sure they should, but for the first time in a while, the collection felt honest, and if for nothing else, I’m applauding them for their efforts.


No, really.
Burning it all down was the theme this season chez Moschino as the models rocked cigarette earrings, tough-as-nails leather and dresses that were LITERALLY smoking as they stomped the runway. Too much? Well yeah, but it was all too much fun to ignore. Amidst the nonsense were plenty of frocks and looks to keep the retailers happy, plenty of drama to keep the editors happy, and PLENTY of fun to keep the wanting masses , well, wanting more. I have to say, the opening look, a long leather jacket gown, seemed fresh and, to me at least, something I’ve honestly not seen in all my years in design. I will say that the gilt mirror pieces were reminiscent of Todd Oldham’s fall ’92 Interiors collection, but they were just a nod and not direct copies.  Having said all that, there could have been a little editing on Scott’s part, as the burning edge looks did seem to drag on, (and honestly, Deacon did this theme just a year or so ago, did we really need to revisit it so soon?)but the good time was enviable and ultimetly, burned us all up!

Roberto Cavalli

WOOHOO! Peter Dundas is back designing for a house that needed a lift, and fits within his sexy-design aesthetic.  He’s really good at dissecting a house’s traditions, and this season at Cavalli, we got a beautiful mix of modernity and the house’s history. I always let a designer have a first collection, just to settle into a house. I will state opinion, but usually save the vitriol for their sophomore outing (if needed); however, I don’t think I’ll need to voice any concern because this collection was so smooth,  well-delivered and honest to the legacy of Cavalli, I can’t imagine Dundas will need much prodding. It was beautifully brilliant, and I can’t wait to see next season.
Side note: What’s with this guy and designing for houses that end with an “i”?

Jil Sander

Look, I usually bypass this house as its design helm has gone through more hands than a doobie at a frat party, and the aesthetic has dry-heaved and floundered over the years, but this season was so clean and true to the legacy of Jil Sander, I had no choice but to sit up and take notice. The head designer, Rodolfo Paglialunga, obviously went through the archives and studied what made Jil Sander a notable designer – strong lines for women laced with a modern edge.  You’re not getting a flowing cocktail dress at Sander, and Paglialunga knows this. He made beautifully tailored coats, handsome jackets and a few metallic frocks that will satisfy the coolest clientele on the market. Revolutionary? Nope, but that’s exactly the way it should be at Sander.  Smooth, effortless and above all, sincere.

OK, Paris is the last. It’ll be up in a little bit.